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Wednesday, April 8, 2015

He Knows My Heart

It seems many times the Lord likes to use things in the natural realm to teach about things in the spiritual realm. If you think about it, it makes sense considering He created both.  He ought to be able to use one as an analogy for the other.  I digress, back on topic...

Our bedtime routine has our 3 older boys going to bed fifteen minutes apart from one another.  One of my boys consistently has the hardest time going to sleep and will normally use anything from needing water, a hug, tell us something, or needing prayer for something as a reason to get out of bed. Smart kid, let me tell you.  We have now cut down on all the above reasonings. He has been told he's not allowed to ask for prayer after bed, but can take his concerns directly to God himself.  

Tonight he got out of bed and told me he couldn't sleep (you know that whole 5 min of laying in bed awake is just torture) and asked me to wrap him up like a casserole.  I laughed and asked if he meant a tamale, he lifted it up his eyes to mine, smiled the sweetest smile, and gave a nod.  As I walked him back to bed and got him snug as a bug in rug/straightjacket, he softly told me thank you and slowly drifted off to sleep.

While walking out of his room the Lord gave me a quick recap of His love, how He gives good gifts, and how He knows my heart.  I came out to read Matthew 7:11 "if you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!", and reflect upon how the Lord searches my heart and knows me.  

It struck me that I need not be so concerned with my wording as I go to Him in prayer because He ALREADY KNOWS.  The prayer is just because He loves it when I spend time with Him, not because I'm telling Him information that is new.  I was placing a particular emphasis on what I prayed and how and was involving too much of my brain in the process.  So whether I say casserole and mean tamale, or some other misspeak, the Lord has me covered, He has already searched my heart. 

This shouldn't be such a revelation of sorts as He's the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, but it definitely spoke to my heart this evening.  He created me, He knows me, and He loves me.  He hears my heart when I pray and isn't waiting for the perfect wording to act on my behalf.  After all, He's the creator of this relationship and partnership with prayer. Ultimately it's His will that I'm hopefully praying for. Since you're not me, this may not even make sense, but this journey is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me.  Praise be to God, the King of kings, Lord of lords, giver of good gifts, and lover of my soul.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Transparency, Good or Bad?

I've come to realize that being transparent comes with a price.  I have a close friend who told me that when she first met me she was very put off by how forthcoming I was with areas of my life.  She explained that kind of honesty normally only comes when you've developed a close friendship with someone and I treated everyone like they were in my inner circle which was strange.  As she got to know me better, she grew to like that quality very much (which is good for me!) because she never had to wonder where she stood with me.

I didn't quite know how to take that at first.  I guess I never realized that it was so off putting to others for me to share what's really going on.  I don't share what's not mine to share.  I try and be very general when I feel like I need to allude to something not soley mine in order to share my struggle, but don't have the ability to be specific. In hindsight, I always thought that was a good quality as I appreciate people getting straight to the point with me.  Although that just goes to show how prideful I still am with no basis to be so.  At least I now see it!  I have little doubt that I have even taught my boys such a basic concept, just because you like something a certain way doesn't mean others do.

Anyways, I don't navigate social situations very well and don't know how to not speak my mind.  Trust me, I have tried and tried.  I will continue to try as I do understand that what I think isn't really all that important for the most part.  I do wonder how many others I've rubbed the wrong way because of my straightforwardness though.

I have learned that there is some value in keeping things surface level.  I struggle to do it as it seems like such a waste of time, but that doesn't mean it actually is.  I need to honor that there is a hierarchy of friendship levels and it bodes well for me to not cannonball in when the person I'm talking to is simply dipping their toes in so to speak.

To sum it up, I suppose transparency is neither good nor bad.  It has varying degrees just like everything else does and the best place is to be in balance with it.  One of these days I might even find it!

I am grateful for my friends who speak truth into my life, and forever indebted to them for putting up with my unusual quirks.  FYI, I love that I can be me to fullest degree with thee =) hehehe.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Listen Up Buttercup!

All of you who are so blessed to know the Lord's voice personally and intimately, those who know His loving kindness in guidance and in discipline, those who's lives are richer and live to glorify Him in all things...  Is that you?

If it is, listen up buttercup.  You can probably quote me multiple bible verses about how God is love, how He came to save the lost, how He desires that we live in unity with other believers, how he told us to live our lives to His glory, how he told us that we are dead to sin, but are those less spiritually mature than you in your outer circles encouraged to push in harder to the Lord by watching Him in you?

If they are not, let me just encourage you to reassess how you should be walking on that narrow path in how you view His other children.  His other children should be learning about His kindness which leads to repentance by watching you.  They should want nothing more than to cleave from all worldly things and press into God by your example.  Christ in you should be calling out to them as a lighthouse in the darkness.

It's silly to think the only darkness is outside of the church.  The church itself is composed of those which once walked in darkness, and are as you are, walking closer and closer to the fullness of light, love, and liberty which is in Christ Jesus, our Lord and Savior.  It's also silly to declare others unworthy of your fellowship because they don't walk in the fullness of truth as you know it to be.

Stop turning God's children away from the church because they don't measure up to your probably correct understanding of what the word of God declares to be a follower of Christ, and instead just love them further into His kingdom.  Let God be the judge of where their hearts actually are, you just LOVE THEM BLAMELESSLY.

The Lord gives clear instructions in His word on how to approach the brother/sister that is sinning in your midst, and it's not to pretend like they aren't there.  You are responsible for the words that come out of your mouth, let each one be filled with love, not judgment.  Refrain to the best of your ability from coloring other peoples views by sharing that which is not helpful and beneficial to the body.

Yes, righteousness matters.  Absolutely.  But not at the expense of love.  Be the one whose actions propel the weak and feeble to push in and run the race before them.  It's already seems easy to throw in the towel and give up with the disability of sin that has left it's mark, be the example that shows that's a lie.  Allow your thoughts, speech, and behavior to show the richness of Christ available to those who persevere and press forward, forgetting all that lies behind. Be the one who allows Christ to work freely and unhindered in.  We all (believers in Christ) want that, lets join together to attain it.

Biblical backing, Romans 14:1-12

Saturday, September 20, 2014

My Sweet Child, Look How Far I've Brought You...

The Lord's loving quiet whisper meets me in my place of complete dejection as I ponder the immense gap between where I am in Him and where I know I am to be.  I look to His word praying for Him to do all that needs to be done for me to be all that He created me to be.  I plead with Him to change circumstances that prevent me from attaining that place in Him.

I just want Him to know how much I want to have a life that honors Him in ALL THINGS and how frustrated I am that my life is still so dang far from that.  He pulls me close with that beautiful, loving, and kind whisper and tells me "My sweet child, look how far I've brought you."

I hate to admit it, especially so publicly, but my response was less than desirable to His encouragement.  I told Him "That's great, and I appreciate it, but look how much is still wrong with my life, and my thoughts, and even my heart."

Thankfully the Lord is used to His children being so ungrateful and simply responded "I'm not worried about it.  Just trust in Me, and keep your eyes forward.  Don't despise small beginnings.  I'm an expert at using the foolish things of this world to confound the wise.  Seek first my kingdom and all other things will be added unto you.  I love you with a love that is not of this world.  I'm not frustrated with you.  Don't place yourself above Me by thinking your thoughts are more righteous and true than mine.  You are right where I want you.  I don't want you to be concerned with anyone's opinions on you, but mine.  It's necessary to be patient in this process, if you try to force your definition and picture of what it means to be wholly submerged in me, you will quench what it is that I am doing in you and your family."

Well, okay then God.  How does one argue with that?  I obviously don't have my Savior's heart and mind because I just don't get how He can be so for me with the host of issues I've got going on.  Yet, He is.  And for that I am so incredibly grateful.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Becoming Love by Dan Mohler v1

How wonderfully coincidental that the exact same day I posted about my inability to understand how the body of Christ continually fails to love like Jesus does, that a beautiful woman recommended (without knowing I blogged on this) this video to me.  I find it to be even better that as I sit down to watch this today, that I notice it was posted EXACTLY a year ago.  I love how the Lord works in me to be more like Him and let go of all this other junk that keeps me too connected to myself.

Sunday, September 7, 2014


Why does it seem to be so hard for the body of Christ, the church, to love each other like He loves us?  It was His greatest commandment to us, and also our biggest failure to carry out.

We do so many good things in His name, yet if love is not the main marker of those, it's all for naught.  So many of us try to earn our way into the Lord's good graces even though we know better than to think it possible to do so.  Yet we still try.

We smile at those we gather with Sunday mornings, some genuine, some not so much, but we put on His love in our own way to the best of our ability.  I honestly believe we all desire to love like He does, we just suck at it.

I see why it's hard to love those who've hurt us, yet we need to.  I see why it's uncomfortable to be around those different than us, yet we need to.  I see why it's stretching for us to continue to show the love of Christ to those who don't seem to want to allow the Lord in and change their hearts, yet we need to.  What I don't understand is why it's hard for us to love those in our fellowship who've never done anything to us, yet we distance ourselves from them.  How do we rationalize any of it?

In the world we have our defenses to keep our hearts safe, or rather to try.  It normally doesn't work very well and ends up hurting us, but still we know that it's not safe so we try to protect ourselves.

In the church we are told that LOVE resides there, and that it's safe.  Many keep up their walls to protect themselves not willing to chance that the body of Christ truly is a place where His love reigns and they will be safe.  There are however some who take those words to heart and allow the essence of who they are to permeate that safe haven of love.  They look to the body of Christ to have the heart of Christ and so many times are then wounded deeply to find that the church looks just like the world in terms of their ability to love the unlovely.  How tragic is that?

Thankfully, there are also those who truly love like He does in the exact same body that those who don't belong to.  And, all of us, if we're blessed to the utmost, will encounter both.  One for refining us, and the other for showing us an example of what Christ's love in action looks like.  I am so incredibly grateful to have both in my life.

Now the answer to not being wounded in church is not in avoiding church. That on the surface takes care of the problem, but instead hurts us further.  We allow bitterness and resentment to grow where we should be allowing iron to sharpen iron.  What's necessary to grow in the spirit of Christ in such times where we are hurt is praying to have an unoffendable heart while loving the unlovely in those who've hurt you.

It's not fair to hold others to a standard of Christ's perfection in love, and not hold yourself accountable to the very same standard.  We need to have Christ's grace flow freely through us in love which covers a multitude of sins.  We need to take our eyes off the work our 'brothers and sisters' in Christ need to do, and allow the Holy Spirit of God to work in our hearts on what He's doing in us.

We need to not be okay with any area of our lives/minds/hearts that does not accurately reflect Jesus Christ's heart.  We need to throw ourselves upon His mercy asking Him to work in us that we would look like Him and thanking Him for doing exactly that.  He continues to work in us to will and to do for His good pleasure, and will finish the work He started.

Let us not hinder Him by our pride whether that pride be in self-exaltation or self-abasement.  Let us let Him love us into wholeness and work in us so that we may have the privilege of doing the exact same for His other children.  Love heals.  Thank You Father.  Thank You Jesus Christ.  Thank You Holy Spirit.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

We all can hear the Lord =)

The following is just a cool testimonial to how easy and simple it is to listen to the Lord...

My husband I were doing the Jesus Calling Devotional for Kids last night and we got to talking about Moses and the Israelites.  It was a really nice discussion and that was that, or so I thought, lol.

Tonight we did the devotional and before we began my 5 yr old was telling my husband to read 3 and handed him the bible.  My hubs looked down and saw Numbers 3 and asked my 5 yr old if he wanted him to read Numbers 3, my lil' guy said "no, Heboos 3".  So we turned to Hebrews and my husband looked and asked "All of it?" and my lil' guy said "yes".  So my husband obliged our lil' one and started reading chapter 3 of Hebrews.

The cool part is that it was on exactly what we were discussing last night!!!  I absolutely LOVE how the Lord is involved with everything as we seek Him and teach our children to seek Him.  I don't care at all for the desert places and wilderness He leads me through in order to teach me to trust Him, but He's been faithful to bring me through most of it, and I know He's bringing me through all of it, I just haven't walked that far yet.

I just can't get over how simple it would have been to ignore my 5 yr old's request and have totally missed out on this blessing!  What a sweet way to let my 5 yr old know that he hears God's voice too; that still and beautiful quiet voice that leads us into His will for our lives =)