That's what this year has been for me, CHAOS. Chaos with glimpses of peace woven in has been my normal for so long, that when this year challenged me to embrace even more chaos, I fell apart. Praise God that while that is happening, He is taking the time to sculpt me into what He designed before life got its hands on me. I like to lie to myself and say we've got to be almost done working on me, but that is never how my relationship with God goes. Pure heart or bust is my life goal, and it's obviously quite messy, even if entertaining for others.
I have found that I am my biggest critic, along with some of y'all that are reading this, but that's cool. I also have discovered that allowing myself to receive God's grace is the only way forward out of this ridiculously cyclical mountain exploration. It's not that I deserve grace, because I do not. However, if I won't stop wasting time examining the base of this stupid mountain I go around, even if I find new things every blasted time I look at it, I will only become an expert on the base of the mountain. What is the point of that?!? If I do that I wouldn't be helpful anywhere I couldn't physically see, and certainly not on top where I'd have the best vantage point. That speaks for itself.
I am thankful for the Lord's faithfulness even when I've been unfaithful, and genuinely hope my lessons are almost learned. Why I always choose to do things that hardest way possible is beyond my comprehension. Anywho, hope this blesses at least one person. And now the title of the blog makes a bit more sense as I just kept trying to push peace until this post, lol.
To add insult to injury, the Lord is using my own writings to correct me in this season. That's a whole nother level of "Sweet child, it's time to rise. This is not what you were created for." I am truly grateful for the discipline of the Lord, even when I'm not listening. He really does love us so. I want to love Him like He loves me, but I don't yet.
