A Fool, Nonetheless, Yet...

There are times in our lives—most of us, anyway—when we step outside of our true character. My prayer is that those moments are brief, and that regardless of how painful they may be, they become lessons that permanently alter the trajectory of our future choices.

I’ve been spending time reading about the prodigal son, his extravagantly loving father, and his elder brother. There is so much revealed about God’s mercy, grace, and heart in that story, but I’ll leave a deeper exploration of it to another blog linked here: Understanding the Heart of God.

The Bible says in Proverbs 26:11, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats their folly.” I’ve seen this verse play out in my own life more times than I care to admit, along with the pain that accompanies it. If I’m being transparent, I’m currently in the middle of trying to figure out how to stop walking in that cycle. No one wants to be a fool. I think that’s partly why we’re so quick to point out the errors of others—it reassures us that at least we aren’t failing in that particular way. Maybe that gives us comfort. Maybe it doesn’t. Just a thought.

For this blog entry, I want to focus on the fusion of two biblical passages: Luke 15:11–32 and Daniel 4. Both tell stories of the Lord graciously restoring clarity of mind after individuals made choices that took them outside of His will for their lives. Both men had serious issues, yet God blessed them. Not only did they lose nothing in the end, but they were blessed even more abundantly. I don’t believe either man was ever the same afterward. Their descent into destruction gave them a much-needed, permanently altered perspective on life.

One man, driven by entitlement, demanded his inheritance from his father and squandered it completely—only to come to his senses, return home with a plan of repentance, and be treated like royalty. The other, a king, lost his sanity and lived among animals, yet was later restored to his throne and became even greater than before. Neither story makes logical sense. Who holds themselves in such high esteem, is deeply humbled because of their own foolishness, and then ends up more blessed afterward?

It would be completely understandable for onlookers to feel angry that these men were rewarded after turning away from what was right. Why would God do such a thing? Some might argue that in the first story, the father made a mistake—but I disagree. In the second, it is undeniably the Lord who restores and blesses. And for the record, I agree that neither man deserved to be blessed. But that is precisely where so many of us miss the heart of our Father when we observe the lives and failures of others.

May we allow God to search our hearts and reveal the hidden wickedness within us, rather than focusing on the wickedness around us. It’s healthier for us in every way. No one gets away with anything in His kingdom—whether or not we witness the correction ourselves.

The Word of God assures us that the pain we experience in this life is not wasted, but is ultimately for His glory—glory we are invited to share if we remain in agreement with Him. This is explored more deeply in another blog linked here: Pain Is Not Wasted. I am grateful for the opportunity to live the life He has designed for me, which consistently proves to be far better than anything I could have imagined. My prayer is that we all come to feel the same.

But They Don't Deserve It

But they don't deserve it, God...

Haven’t we all thought that at some point?

What’s worse—we’re often right.

We watch people we don’t believe deserve blessing get blessed, and something in us recoils. In our hearts, offense quietly takes root. We compare. We calculate. We wonder why obedience seems overlooked while recklessness appears rewarded.

Just for the record, I live on both sides of that tension.

I don’t deserve to hear the Lord’s voice or to be led by His love—yet here I am, walking with the Great I AM. At the same time, I struggle when people who intentionally cause deep emotional pain to others appear to thrive. Call me human—because we all are.

Over the last few years, the Lord has repeatedly drawn me to Luke 18, particularly the parable of the unrighteous judge and the persevering widow (Luke 18:1–8). It’s tempting to read that passage and conclude that God is moved only by persistence—that if we are loud enough, relentless enough, or irritating enough, He will finally respond. Maybe that’s where the phrase “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” comes from.

But Jesus isn’t presenting God as an unrighteous judge.

In fact, He is doing the opposite.

God is not distant, annoyed, or unwilling. He is not withholding until we wear Him down. He literally gave His own life so that we could come boldly before His throne. We don’t need to pester Him into compassion—He is compassion.

Immediately after that parable, Jesus tells another story that reveals how we are meant to approach God at all.

Luke 18:9–14 (ESV)
He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt…

Two men pray. One is a Pharisee—outwardly righteous, disciplined, obedient, and confident in his standing before God. The other is a tax collector—someone who wouldn’t even lift his eyes to heaven, but simply cried out, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.”

Jesus tells us that the tax collector went home justified.

I don’t think we fully grasp how repulsive a tax collector would have been in Jesus’ day. This wasn’t like working for the IRS (no offense to anyone who does). These men worked for the oppressors of God’s people. They partnered with the enemy. They enriched themselves by stealing from their own community.

And yet, Jesus says that man—the one painfully aware of his sin—was justified rather than the Pharisee who checked every visible box of obedience.

Why?

Because God looks at the heart. And God alone searches it.

This is not a license to walk in sin as though it doesn’t matter. That is not the heart of this message at all. What this is about is something far more subtle—and far more dangerous.

It’s about becoming greedy with the kingdom of God.

It’s about becoming the elder brother in Luke 15, angry that the prodigal is welcomed home with celebration. We say we want sinners to repent—but only if they end up with less than we have. Only if their restoration doesn’t make our obedience feel insignificant.

When we think that way, we reveal something sobering: that perhaps our walk with God was never about submission to His will, but about earning blessing for ourselves.

God’s heart toward sinners is not reluctant—it is eager.
Not resentful—it is redemptive.
Not transactional—it is overflowing with mercy.

And when we struggle with that, it doesn’t mean God is wrong.
It means He’s inviting us deeper—into humility, into surrender, and into His heart.

Because in the kingdom of God, grace has never been fair.
And thank God for that.

Frustration, Favor, and the Finishing Work of Christ

Merry Christmas!

I’m well aware this is not the actual date of Jesus Christ’s birth—and honestly, I couldn’t care less. What matters is that He was born. He was God's Son, lived a life led by the Spirit of God, died for our sins while we were still His enemies, counted us as the joy set before Him, and was resurrected on the third day. That is what we celebrate.

Over the past year—probably longer if I’m being honest—I’ve been walking backward in my relationship with Christ. I encountered adversity I wasn’t prepared to handle, and instead of giving it to Him, I searched the world for comfort. I intentionally drove myself into confusion because I didn’t want the truth to be true. I thought if I ignored it long enough, it would go away, people would change their minds about me, and we could all be friends.

It doesn’t work that way.

That approach only keeps people and situations in your life far longer than they were ever meant to stay. And once you’ve allowed yourself to drift far enough from Him, finding your way back is harder than most people realize. For the last fifteen years, I’ve preached that you can simply turn back to Him—that He’s right there, ready to receive you, and that you can move forward from the place you wandered off.

I still believe that.
But I’ve learned there are nuances you don’t understand until you have to live them.

First, the place you think you wandered away from faith usually isn’t where you actually did.
Second, you have to allow the Lord to reveal what you never dealt with in the first place—because that’s often why you strayed.
Third, release the urge to tear yourself down. There are plenty of people willing to do that for you, and they don’t need your agreement. Self-condemnation only slows the process.
Fourth, any justification you make for staying where you are isn’t really a justification—it’s an excuse that keeps you stuck.
Fifth, God’s favor is often found most clearly in the places you least deserve it, sometimes even more than in the seasons where you were actively expressing His love and truth.
Sixth, continue to speak truth over yourself and your circumstances regardless of outcomes. This is where faith is tested.
And finally, forgive yourself and come back. You may never receive compassion from the people you want it from most—and that’s okay. Some people’s pain prevents them from seeing you differently, and you can’t change that. Let them.

I am highly favored, deeply frustrated (and probably frustrating), and walking in the finished work of Christ. I’m grateful for what I’ve learned through years of studying the Word, and now I’m realizing how necessary it is to apply it. I feel stuck—but feelings lie.

My prayer is that those of us who believe our circumstances are nothing more than the irreversible consequences of our choices would begin declaring the truth of God’s Word over our lives. It may take time—especially if the choices that led us astray didn’t happen overnight—but we will return to where He desires us to be.

The Lord cares more about His glory than we do. So if it’s truly our heart to glorify Him, we can trust Him to lead us there. I’m not promising it will be easy, attractive, or unfold the way you hoped—but it will glorify Him. And that is what matters most.

Be blessed, and be a blessing. ❤️

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

‘Actions speak louder than words’ is a well known saying, and for the most part,

true. However, I've come to realize that discernment is still necessary.

People can smile in your face, yet can vilify you behind your back. People might

help you only to feel good about themselves, while still being judgmental. This is

why it's so important to ask the Lord to search our hearts in order to reveal any

wickedness, lest we do this to others.

The Lord loves answering those prayers. It's the human condition to want to feel

good about ourselves, but it's the sin nature to judge and compare ourselves.

Here's the thing though. We are all on a sea of glass, and no one is better than

another. Yes, there are people I would rather not associate with, and wouldn't

shed a tear if they never came to know God, but that's the sin nature in me, not

God's heart. I guess that's what being "normal" is, but children of God are called

to more, to much more.

In this life, all we can hope for is that God purifies our hearts so we stand before

Him sanctified. Humans will always accuse and hurl attacks towards others, and

many times it will be towards people we care for very much. We must forgive

them for their accusations and not hold it against them, or else we participate in

sin ourselves and step out of the divine transformation of our hearts that we've

been called to.

Some of us are pretty strange birds, and that's part of the beauty of life. There's

a whole internet world of cookie cutter families posting their lives in hopes of

gaining followers who want to mimic every move. There is nothing wrong with

taking things we respect or admire, and making them part of ourselves. I just

hope we are allowing the Lord to have His input on those characteristics.

The painful lesson I'm learning this season is to embrace who I am, and to not

hold it against those that don't want to understand or embrace me. Being

someone who tries to understand everything about everyone, is challenging for

me. I want to relate with people who do not care to delve deeper into my life or to

have compassion and understand me. But, I've come to accept that's probably

how they're wired, and I'm just as confusing to them.

We all have issues. There's no way around accepting that. For example, as

much as I'm trying to not be addicted to my phone, I found a social media reel

that helped me to better understand rejection, while the Lord was working a deep

transformation in my heart.

The reel was a mama and her son. She held various items in her hand and

asked her son to pick one. He did, and she immediately asked what was wrong

with the other items, and he responded "Nothing." That's applicable to us as

well. Just because we weren't picked doesn't mean there's anything wrong with

us, we just weren't chosen.

If I go to buy myself flowers, and I leave with a stargazer lily, it doesn't mean I

also don't love the rose, or the tulips, the carnations, or even the baby's breath. It

just means the stargazer lily is what spoke to my heart that day. I want to apply

that to my everyday interactions. We like to think if someone or something isn't

chosen, that something else was actually better, when that's not always the

case. And quite possibly, rarely the case.

I am grateful that the Lord has allowed this last season of personal rejection

because it's helped me to come to terms with the truth that His love is enough.

I've always said it, but I've never walked it. And if we're going to be brutally

honest, I'm still not walking in it.

We all have a wall we use to protect ourselves from pain, despite pain being

necessary for character development. We can't protect ourselves from others,

and also grow to the stature that the Lord desires. He will protect us, He will lead

us, He will love us, and He will heal us.

We protect ourselves by immersing our hearts in Him, and then listening to His

still and quiet voice, no matter what our flesh desires or our mind says.

God is all about exposing, but He exposes for purpose and redemption. All

hidden things will become known and that's a good thing for those that want to

know Him. The less the enemy can hold over us, the less ability he has to make

us into his personal marionettes.

It's not hard to manipulate people, but it's ugly as heck to do so. Release the

need to control, and put it in God's hands, for He makes all things new in His

timing. We want clean hands and a pure heart to pursue the MORE of Him, and

this is the season He wants to pour it out.

We need not be concerned that the darkness keeps spreading, for His kingdom

and its light are doing the same. Change your focus. God's love is our priority,

we must feed upon it, for it's only in doing so that we can know who we are, and

what He's called us to.

If not, we become like worker bees, and yes we're doing what we should, but it's

almost robotic and we were called to so much more.

I'm not sure if this will even make sense to most, but it marks a very important

stage in my life, and ultimately that's what this blog is for. I had thought I was

helping others, when in reality, I was keeping a journal that would help me. We

only know what we know, and we all know it partly. The body of Christ is coming

into its fullness, and I'm grateful that I'm allowed to be a part of that, even in my

struggle to understand all things. Be blessed and be a blessing <3

My Sweet Child, Look How Far I've Brought You...

The Lord's loving quiet whisper meets me in my place of complete dejection as I ponder the immense gap between where I am in Him and where I know I am to be.  I look to His word praying for Him to do all that needs to be done for me to be all that He created me to be.  I plead with Him to change circumstances that prevent me from attaining that place in Him.

I just want Him to know how much I want to have a life that honors Him in ALL THINGS and how frustrated I am that my life is still so dang far from that.  He pulls me close with that beautiful, loving, and kind whisper and tells me "My sweet child, look how far I've brought you."

I hate to admit it, especially so publicly, but my response was less than desirable to His encouragement.  I told Him "That's great, and I appreciate it, but look how much is still wrong with my life, and my thoughts, and even my heart."

Thankfully the Lord is used to His children being so ungrateful and simply responded "I'm not worried about it.  Just trust in Me, and keep your eyes forward.  Don't despise small beginnings.  I'm an expert at using the foolish things of this world to confound the wise.  Seek first my kingdom and all other things will be added unto you.  I love you with a love that is not of this world.  I'm not frustrated with you.  Don't place yourself above Me by thinking your thoughts are more righteous and true than mine.  You are right where I want you.  I don't want you to be concerned with anyone's opinions on you, but mine.  It's necessary to be patient in this process, if you try to force your definition and picture of what it means to be wholly submerged in me, you will quench what it is that I am doing in you and your family."

Well, okay then God.  How does one argue with that?  I obviously don't have my Savior's heart and mind because I just don't get how He can be so for me with the host of issues I've got going on.  Yet, He is.  And for that I am so incredibly grateful.