But They Don't Deserve It

But they don't deserve it, God...

Haven’t we all thought that at some point?

What’s worse—we’re often right.

We watch people we don’t believe deserve blessing get blessed, and something in us recoils. In our hearts, offense quietly takes root. We compare. We calculate. We wonder why obedience seems overlooked while recklessness appears rewarded.

Just for the record, I live on both sides of that tension.

I don’t deserve to hear the Lord’s voice or to be led by His love—yet here I am, walking with the Great I AM. At the same time, I struggle when people who intentionally cause deep emotional pain to others appear to thrive. Call me human—because we all are.

Over the last few years, the Lord has repeatedly drawn me to Luke 18, particularly the parable of the unrighteous judge and the persevering widow (Luke 18:1–8). It’s tempting to read that passage and conclude that God is moved only by persistence—that if we are loud enough, relentless enough, or irritating enough, He will finally respond. Maybe that’s where the phrase “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” comes from.

But Jesus isn’t presenting God as an unrighteous judge.

In fact, He is doing the opposite.

God is not distant, annoyed, or unwilling. He is not withholding until we wear Him down. He literally gave His own life so that we could come boldly before His throne. We don’t need to pester Him into compassion—He is compassion.

Immediately after that parable, Jesus tells another story that reveals how we are meant to approach God at all.

Luke 18:9–14 (ESV)
He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt…

Two men pray. One is a Pharisee—outwardly righteous, disciplined, obedient, and confident in his standing before God. The other is a tax collector—someone who wouldn’t even lift his eyes to heaven, but simply cried out, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.”

Jesus tells us that the tax collector went home justified.

I don’t think we fully grasp how repulsive a tax collector would have been in Jesus’ day. This wasn’t like working for the IRS (no offense to anyone who does). These men worked for the oppressors of God’s people. They partnered with the enemy. They enriched themselves by stealing from their own community.

And yet, Jesus says that man—the one painfully aware of his sin—was justified rather than the Pharisee who checked every visible box of obedience.

Why?

Because God looks at the heart. And God alone searches it.

This is not a license to walk in sin as though it doesn’t matter. That is not the heart of this message at all. What this is about is something far more subtle—and far more dangerous.

It’s about becoming greedy with the kingdom of God.

It’s about becoming the elder brother in Luke 15, angry that the prodigal is welcomed home with celebration. We say we want sinners to repent—but only if they end up with less than we have. Only if their restoration doesn’t make our obedience feel insignificant.

When we think that way, we reveal something sobering: that perhaps our walk with God was never about submission to His will, but about earning blessing for ourselves.

God’s heart toward sinners is not reluctant—it is eager.
Not resentful—it is redemptive.
Not transactional—it is overflowing with mercy.

And when we struggle with that, it doesn’t mean God is wrong.
It means He’s inviting us deeper—into humility, into surrender, and into His heart.

Because in the kingdom of God, grace has never been fair.
And thank God for that.

Frustration, Favor, and the Finishing Work of Christ

Merry Christmas!

I’m well aware this is not the actual date of Jesus Christ’s birth—and honestly, I couldn’t care less. What matters is that He was born. He was God's Son, lived a life led by the Spirit of God, died for our sins while we were still His enemies, counted us as the joy set before Him, and was resurrected on the third day. That is what we celebrate.

Over the past year—probably longer if I’m being honest—I’ve been walking backward in my relationship with Christ. I encountered adversity I wasn’t prepared to handle, and instead of giving it to Him, I searched the world for comfort. I intentionally drove myself into confusion because I didn’t want the truth to be true. I thought if I ignored it long enough, it would go away, people would change their minds about me, and we could all be friends.

It doesn’t work that way.

That approach only keeps people and situations in your life far longer than they were ever meant to stay. And once you’ve allowed yourself to drift far enough from Him, finding your way back is harder than most people realize. For the last fifteen years, I’ve preached that you can simply turn back to Him—that He’s right there, ready to receive you, and that you can move forward from the place you wandered off.

I still believe that.
But I’ve learned there are nuances you don’t understand until you have to live them.

First, the place you think you wandered away from faith usually isn’t where you actually did.
Second, you have to allow the Lord to reveal what you never dealt with in the first place—because that’s often why you strayed.
Third, release the urge to tear yourself down. There are plenty of people willing to do that for you, and they don’t need your agreement. Self-condemnation only slows the process.
Fourth, any justification you make for staying where you are isn’t really a justification—it’s an excuse that keeps you stuck.
Fifth, God’s favor is often found most clearly in the places you least deserve it, sometimes even more than in the seasons where you were actively expressing His love and truth.
Sixth, continue to speak truth over yourself and your circumstances regardless of outcomes. This is where faith is tested.
And finally, forgive yourself and come back. You may never receive compassion from the people you want it from most—and that’s okay. Some people’s pain prevents them from seeing you differently, and you can’t change that. Let them.

I am highly favored, deeply frustrated (and probably frustrating), and walking in the finished work of Christ. I’m grateful for what I’ve learned through years of studying the Word, and now I’m realizing how necessary it is to apply it. I feel stuck—but feelings lie.

My prayer is that those of us who believe our circumstances are nothing more than the irreversible consequences of our choices would begin declaring the truth of God’s Word over our lives. It may take time—especially if the choices that led us astray didn’t happen overnight—but we will return to where He desires us to be.

The Lord cares more about His glory than we do. So if it’s truly our heart to glorify Him, we can trust Him to lead us there. I’m not promising it will be easy, attractive, or unfold the way you hoped—but it will glorify Him. And that is what matters most.

Be blessed, and be a blessing. ❤️

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

‘Actions speak louder than words’ is a well known saying, and for the most part,

true. However, I've come to realize that discernment is still necessary.

People can smile in your face, yet can vilify you behind your back. People might

help you only to feel good about themselves, while still being judgmental. This is

why it's so important to ask the Lord to search our hearts in order to reveal any

wickedness, lest we do this to others.

The Lord loves answering those prayers. It's the human condition to want to feel

good about ourselves, but it's the sin nature to judge and compare ourselves.

Here's the thing though. We are all on a sea of glass, and no one is better than

another. Yes, there are people I would rather not associate with, and wouldn't

shed a tear if they never came to know God, but that's the sin nature in me, not

God's heart. I guess that's what being "normal" is, but children of God are called

to more, to much more.

In this life, all we can hope for is that God purifies our hearts so we stand before

Him sanctified. Humans will always accuse and hurl attacks towards others, and

many times it will be towards people we care for very much. We must forgive

them for their accusations and not hold it against them, or else we participate in

sin ourselves and step out of the divine transformation of our hearts that we've

been called to.

Some of us are pretty strange birds, and that's part of the beauty of life. There's

a whole internet world of cookie cutter families posting their lives in hopes of

gaining followers who want to mimic every move. There is nothing wrong with

taking things we respect or admire, and making them part of ourselves. I just

hope we are allowing the Lord to have His input on those characteristics.

The painful lesson I'm learning this season is to embrace who I am, and to not

hold it against those that don't want to understand or embrace me. Being

someone who tries to understand everything about everyone, is challenging for

me. I want to relate with people who do not care to delve deeper into my life or to

have compassion and understand me. But, I've come to accept that's probably

how they're wired, and I'm just as confusing to them.

We all have issues. There's no way around accepting that. For example, as

much as I'm trying to not be addicted to my phone, I found a social media reel

that helped me to better understand rejection, while the Lord was working a deep

transformation in my heart.

The reel was a mama and her son. She held various items in her hand and

asked her son to pick one. He did, and she immediately asked what was wrong

with the other items, and he responded "Nothing." That's applicable to us as

well. Just because we weren't picked doesn't mean there's anything wrong with

us, we just weren't chosen.

If I go to buy myself flowers, and I leave with a stargazer lily, it doesn't mean I

also don't love the rose, or the tulips, the carnations, or even the baby's breath. It

just means the stargazer lily is what spoke to my heart that day. I want to apply

that to my everyday interactions. We like to think if someone or something isn't

chosen, that something else was actually better, when that's not always the

case. And quite possibly, rarely the case.

I am grateful that the Lord has allowed this last season of personal rejection

because it's helped me to come to terms with the truth that His love is enough.

I've always said it, but I've never walked it. And if we're going to be brutally

honest, I'm still not walking in it.

We all have a wall we use to protect ourselves from pain, despite pain being

necessary for character development. We can't protect ourselves from others,

and also grow to the stature that the Lord desires. He will protect us, He will lead

us, He will love us, and He will heal us.

We protect ourselves by immersing our hearts in Him, and then listening to His

still and quiet voice, no matter what our flesh desires or our mind says.

God is all about exposing, but He exposes for purpose and redemption. All

hidden things will become known and that's a good thing for those that want to

know Him. The less the enemy can hold over us, the less ability he has to make

us into his personal marionettes.

It's not hard to manipulate people, but it's ugly as heck to do so. Release the

need to control, and put it in God's hands, for He makes all things new in His

timing. We want clean hands and a pure heart to pursue the MORE of Him, and

this is the season He wants to pour it out.

We need not be concerned that the darkness keeps spreading, for His kingdom

and its light are doing the same. Change your focus. God's love is our priority,

we must feed upon it, for it's only in doing so that we can know who we are, and

what He's called us to.

If not, we become like worker bees, and yes we're doing what we should, but it's

almost robotic and we were called to so much more.

I'm not sure if this will even make sense to most, but it marks a very important

stage in my life, and ultimately that's what this blog is for. I had thought I was

helping others, when in reality, I was keeping a journal that would help me. We

only know what we know, and we all know it partly. The body of Christ is coming

into its fullness, and I'm grateful that I'm allowed to be a part of that, even in my

struggle to understand all things. Be blessed and be a blessing <3

Pure Chaos

The Lord said he was going to start with His house, and He was not lying.  EVERYTHING that can be shaken, will be.  I did not make it through the sifting of the wheat and tares, matter of fact, I ran away from my faith with my whole being after an event in my life, that I blamed on my handling of a situation over a decade earlier.  The hilarious part, simultaneously the heart shattering part, is to find that no matter how stupid I am, and how vehemently I question Him, He listens, and He answers.  He isn't a genie in a bottle, He's not concerned with appearances.  He also doesn't tell me everything I want to know, and He's normally in opposition to what I want. Hence, my tantrum this last year and a half as I had the audacity to believe Him to be unfaithful due to the pain and suffering of those around me, and what He allowed to sift me.  He doesn't flinch though.  He doesn't get offended when I question Him, because He's not surprised that I am.  

However, from what I can understand, He does require those that believe to respond to His leading to the very best of our ability in all areas. And that is where I fell off, or where I saw my immense limitations, your call.  This year has taught me so much I never wanted to learn, and also everything I needed to. He loves me, even when I don't act like I love Him, because He is faithful, even when I'm not.  I want to love God more than anything, but right now, I don't seem to love Him enough.  And He understands. The God who created ALL things, that can do anything, wants a relationship with flawed humans. Humans who haven't personally seen Him, but know of His mercy and love, because that was His plan for the world. I don't personally approve of that plan, and it does not matter.  Truth doesn't need anyone to believe in it for it to be true. Lord, please open our eyes and soften our hearts. We need you, even if we think we don't. Let's not put a box around that which we don't truly understand.  Let God be God. Or don't. 

Regardless, Lord God, start with me.

Problems with Presumption

The Lord has put on my heart the word PATIENCE about a fairly serious thing in my life.  It's been a crazy hard word for me, as so many things are hinging on this matter.  I, of course, have a view for what that looks like, and because of that have unknowingly hindered the Lord.

As I plan, the Lord laughs.

In quiet contemplation one day, the Lord highlighted Luke 22:49-51.

And when those who were around him saw what would follow, they said, "Lord, shall we strike with the sword?" And one of them struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his right ear.  But Jesus said, "No more of this!" And he touched his ear and healed him.

As I read the passage, I saw that Jesus's disciples looked to Him for wisdom before deciding what to do. Although one took it upon himself to act of Jesus's behalf before looking to Him for wisdom.  Jesus strongly rebuked that disciple.  The Lord put on my heart that I am not to be operating out of common sense, but wisdom.  He told me to never presume to know how to act on Christ's behalf.  

That explanation made perfect sense, but I had not even the slightest inkling how that applied to me.  I was so confused.  For weeks.  I sought wisdom, and found none.  I had some well meaning church folk give me some great insight into the verse, but nothing that made my spirit come alive like I knew would happen when I got what He wanted me to from it.

Finally, today, He downloaded into my heart how this scripture applied to me.

It's only relatively recently that I am learning how to let go of the place that I'm comfortable with (my church) and have seen faithful and sturdy to weather the storms in my life, and allowing a different place (a different church) built on the same rock to help bring my family into the refuge that we need.  It's one that I've fought, and fought, and fought because *I* didn't think it was best.  I knew WHAT the Lord wanted to do, but I had presumed HOW He wanted to do it.  That was my mistake.

Sometimes the Lord likes to do the exact opposite of what common sense may say, and with the foolish confound the wise.  In hindsight, I'm sorrowful at how I opposed with Lord's work with the best of intentions because I thought I knew what He was doing.  He's done so much in me that I had just assumed that those same things that helped me would also do so much more for my family.  It's an innocent and easily made mistake, but one that has caused stagnation more than what was necessary.

So, on that note, let the fire fall, let the wind blow, and let Your glory come down Lord.  Where you go, I'll go, even if I don't want to =)  I have no doubt that their will be plenty of winds of change to come, sweet refreshing breezes amongst the testing and hard winds, and each one will fan the flame of love in our hearts which will continue to transform us.

Rejoice in ALL things, letting patience perfect you, that you may be found lacking nothing.  Yes and

We all can hear the Lord =)

The following is just a cool testimonial to how easy and simple it is to listen to the Lord...

My husband I were doing the Jesus Calling Devotional for Kids last night and we got to talking about Moses and the Israelites.  It was a really nice discussion and that was that, or so I thought, lol.

Tonight we did the devotional and before we began my 5 yr old was telling my husband to read 3 and handed him the bible.  My husband looked down and saw Numbers 3 and asked my 5 yr old if he wanted him to read Numbers 3, my lil' guy said "no, Heboos 3".  So we turned to Hebrews and my husband looked and asked "All of it?" and my lil' guy said "yes".  So my husband obliged our lil' one and started reading chapter 3 of Hebrews.

The cool part is that it was on exactly what we were discussing last night!!!  I absolutely LOVE how the Lord is involved with everything as we seek Him and teach our children to seek Him.  I don't care at all for the desert places and wilderness He leads me through in order to teach me to trust Him, but He's been faithful to bring me through most of it, and I know He's bringing me through all of it, I just haven't walked that far yet.

I just can't get over how simple it would have been to ignore my 5 yr old's request and have totally missed out on this blessing!  What a sweet way to let my 5 yr old know that he hears God's voice too; that still and beautiful quiet voice that leads us into His will for our lives =)

A toddler in Christ...

I believe that God has revealed to me that in the last 7 yrs, I've grown from an infant in Christ to a toddler in Christ.  The majority of that growth being in the last year and a half as I've applied myself to study the word of God and know personally for myself what He has to say . I feel condemned that it took me 7 yrs to do what I could have done in 6 mo, but I also know that feeling is NOT from Him, and that He's pleased with my passion for Him and my desire for more.


When I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior, and asked for His Holy Spirit to teach me, guide me, and help me, I thought that meant for Him to help me live my life how I wanted.  A few years ago I started getting the revelation that God cares about EVERYTHING that concerns us, and that He didn't create us so that we could live life sprinkled with things from Him, but we are to be consumed with things of Him.  About a year ago, I realized that God has a specific plan and purpose for my life and that if I want to walk in His blessings then I need to be in His will and follow Him in all things towards life.  He still blesses the disobedient and the enemies of His kingdom because He loves them even though they don't return that desire, the old me is proof of that one.  It's that love that I've struggled the most with though.  I won't bother expanding on that, but God has answered the cry of my heart in increasing measure to understand that.  I still live in rebellion to God's Spirit in some things, and in others I've bowed my knee.  I ask God to continue to work in my heart b/c I want to allow Him to be Lord of everything that concerns me.  He has a opinion on what we wear, eat, think, say, and do.  His desire is to bring us into more blessings not to keep us from enjoying life.  It's a outright lie, from the father of lies, that God's desire is to take away the things of the world we enjoy so that we can follow the narrow path towards His heart to bless Him.  If the Christians you know are miserable trying to follow God's ways, then they don't know the Lord, nor have the joy of the Lord as their strength.  


It is a narrow path to inherit the kingdom of God and bring heaven to Earth, that is not a lie.  The blessings that are poured out on those that choose to pursue something higher than what this life has to offer are far beyond what mere words can describe.  It can only be known by those that walk and fight the good fight of faith.  We all have our own individual walks to the kingdom of God, and He meets each of us where we are at, and guides us in His way if we seek Him.  He will never force His will upon us because He gave us free will to choose life or death, blessings or curses.  We suffer the consequences of those decisions both now and eternally, some more in the former and others in the latter.  Our hearts are what's most important to the Lord, not what we do, what church we go to, how many people we've led to the Lord, who we've blessed, how much time we devote to searching Him out, etc...  All those things are fruits of what God is doing in our hearts, and if we follow Him, we will have the fruit to show for it.  As many of Pastors have said, a fruit tree does not strive to bear fruit, it just does b/c that is what it is.  As Christians, Christ-followers, we don't have to strive to be good/just/moral/whatever, we just need to be willing to follow the Spirit of God as He leads us into more of Him.  Christianity is NOT works based, NO ONE will stand at the gates of heaven with a list of why they should be able to enter!!!  It is by the grace of God that we are to inherit the kingdom of God, all we have to do is cooperate with Him in what He's doing in us. 


Life is busy, we are constantly drawn in different directions and fitting in the Lord is close to impossible.  I don't think very many people would argue with that.  What I will say though is that we are not to fit the Lord in to our schedules, that is why it doesn't work, besides a Sunday service weekly and a couple prayers lifted up during the week.  We are to live for Him, and then we will have ample time to spend with Him.  With all the different methods, apps, DVD's, CD's, the list goes on and on I'm sure, we can spend as much time with Him as we want to.  The question apparently is, do we want to spend time with Him?  And if the answer is "No.", then that's okay too.  If you want that to change, ask God to change your heart towards His kingdom, tell Him that you want a relationship with Him, to send His Holy Spirit to lead you into all truth, to give you wisdom, discernment, and understanding.  He will not leave you hanging, even if He doesn't answer that prayer how you think He should.


I'm grateful for what God is continuously doing in my heart and my thought life.  He corrects me multiple times a day, and I'm thankful for it b/c it shows that He does love me, and that even in the little things He's paying attention and is aware of what is going on in my heart.  Love Him!!!


1 Peter 2:2 "as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby" encourages us to begin our journey with  Jesus, as an infant, getting our nourishment from His word so that we may grow and mature.  This is where everyone who wants to know God's heart begins, regardless of physical age.  I began to feel a growing discontent with my spiritual walk and was asking God why and He brought to me two passages that explained why I was not growing in Him as I desired.


1 Corinthians 3:1-3 "1 And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual people but as to carnal, as to babes in Christ. 2 I fed you with milk and not with solid food; for until now you were not able to receive it, and even now you are still not able; 3 for you are still carnal. For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?"


Hebrews 5:12-14 "12 For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. 13 For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. 14But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil."

What will you build with?

This morning my son and I were discussing 2 Timothy 2:19-21

19 Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: "The Lord knows those who are His," and, "Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity." 20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. 21 Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work.


I explained to him that although all born again believers (repented for your sins and were baptized in the name of Jesus Christ accepting Him as Lord of your life, once you've come to an age where you can truly make that decision ~8-12 yrs, maybe?) build their lives upon the same solid foundation, the rock of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, we don't all use the same materials to build our houses with.  I told him that when we work for money to have nice things and a more comfortable life (e.g. having a DS in his case, lol), that is building our house with wood.  I also told him that when we work for money so that we can bless God's kingdom ad enjoy some of the blessings he gives us from that prosperity, that's building with gold.  Only God is able to tell us which we're doing as many Christians debate and argue what that means.  There's many other examples not using money, but for my son, that one works best, lol.


In my opinion, most of us are born into this world with parents who love us and want what's best for us, we are immersed into our culture of what the world says looks good, sounds like, makes sense, and so on.  Some of us are even told that Jesus died for our sins because He loved us and that we can always count on God, but very few of us are actually taught that.  We've been under the impression that our faith is developed at church and if we regularly go, we're good with the big Eye in the sky.  As we grow older, we develop our own ideas of who God is, what He will and will not do, and if we believe in scripture, we twist that to accommodate the lifestyle we keep.  Wow, that was a tangent.  Sorry, back to my son and I talking about the Lord and what we build our houses with...


I asked him to ask God where we should start, and He did and opened his bible to 2 Chronicles 26 and I said "no honey, ask Him again" because I didn't think God would have him in the Old Testament (HA! to me) and he resisted and said "no mom, look this is exactly what we were talking about" and there was a picture of building the temple with gold and wood.  He was really excited that happened (even though I wasn't convinced yet that it was God b/c it wasn't the same thing I was talking about, just the same materials), but then we read the passage and it was talking about a young man who was given success in life (both in the natural world and the spiritual) b/c he continually sought guidance from the Lord, just as his father had taught him to do. And that I knew was a confirmation of what we had just been talking about with the Timothy scripture because it illustrated to me that children will follow after what their parents have taught them. So cool!!!!  It also reaffirmed to me that it is my job to teach my children about the Lord and all of His multi-dimensional qualities.  That is it my job to train my children up in the way they should go and they will not depart from it.  God has told me in a general sense what my older two children's purpose is here on earth, and I get the privilege of raising them up knowing how they will be utilized.  It also helps me to see where their weakness may lie, and to allow the Lord to give me divine wisdom on how to combat them.


Recently I had something arise with my one my lil' ones that had me angry with God.  I asked Him WHY he didn't let me know there was a problem sooner than He did.  I never really got anything from Him other than the scriptures I shared in a previous blog about Him revealing the hidden things and that the voice I was hearing was His.  I was speaking with my Aunt the other day, and was telling her about my heartache and told her my biggest issue was that God didn't choose to reveal to me earlier than He did what was going on, and her response totally caught me off guard, and at the time pissed me off.  She told me that He had shown me signs I chose to ignore them, and that this was the time that I was supposed to have figured it out for reasons that I am not to currently know, nor may never know.  Since I was irritated at her for saying it, I ruminated on it for awhile (totally a Godly thing to do, NOT!) and God showed me that she was right.  That revelation was not easy to swallow, but I knew it to be true, and I did trust that God knew what He was doing.  He had to because I sure the heck hadn't even the slightest clue!  


I hope that God continues to reveal to me all the areas where I'm building my house with materials that His Holy Fire will consume when the day comes, and to allow me the opportunity to build with gold, silver, and precious stones so that when the heat increases in my life, those materials will only purify, and will never disintegrate into dust.


Here's a brief representation of what happens when we build our house with straw, wood, and bricks ;)