2020 Reflections on Friends

2020 has been a beast of a year.  I truly don't have words for the trainwreck of emotional stretching that's occurred, nor the beauty that has been brought forth from the pain.  I think we've all had to make choices of what's really important, and what should be in our lives, and what we probably need to release.  I have seen so many heartbreaking comments on people who truly feel like they have no friends, and are all alone.  I won't launch into how we're never actually alone when we choose to do life with Christ, but instead focus on how to possibly view friendships, and the necessary waxing and waning that occurs.  

The main three types of friends are: a reason, a season, or a lifetime. For the sake of brevity, I'm going to group into only 3 categories. The good news is it doesn't matter which kind of friend you are in my life, I'm grateful to have you!  I've come to find that while there are similar things most people will mention when discussing the inherent qualities of a good friend, there is no guarantee that anyone will truly like anyone regardless of whether they have each quality the person specified they wanted. In addition to qualities, there are also life dynamics that shape who are friends are at times.  I think it's important to celebrate all types and recognize how they add value to our lives, and how we've added value to theirs.

A lifetime friend is what everybody longs to have, but are far and few between for many.  A lifetime friend is the one you haven't had a real conversation with in 3.5 mo or 3.5 yrs, but when you talk, it's like no time has passed. You love each other, and grace overflows for the life that gets in the way of you being a "good friend". You acknowledge weaknesses, yet love them for exactly who they are.  Lifetime friends made it through the seasons, and remained. Lifetime friends are loyal to the friendship even in the dips.

Seasonal friends are huge blessings that do everyday life with you for the season. The season may be a couple months for sports, or even a couple decades. They are the ones you count on, you get together with, you reach out to. A seasonal friend is sometimes one you thought was going to be a lifetime friend, and are painfully aware of the distance that just keeps growing as your season ends.  Often, life has just pulled differently, and while there is no loss of love, the friendship faded, and your left with memories of how much you enjoyed their company. Other times, it's simply a matter of compatibility.  As we age, we change, as some of those changes aren't as well received as we'd hoped.  Regardless the reason, sometimes it's necessary to mourn the loss, but also to never shut the door.  Who knows when another season might blow them back in?

A friend for a reason is exactly that. Your friendship to them is specifically to meet a need.  The possibilities are endless for differing reasons someone wants you as their friend. Quite frequently these types of friendship are wonderful for helping us grow into a better version of ourselves.  We learn to see patterns, to be more forgiving, to operate in greater discernment, to erect healthy boundaries, etc...

As this year draws to a close, I just want to remind us all that due to the turbulent nature of this year, and what is probably going to be a doozy coming, to extend way more grace than you deem necessary to everyone in your life.  Almost all of us have lost our quasi-successful ways of handling stress, and then added more chaos on top of it, and it's okay.  We need to find our bearings, be annoyingly thankful for every single thing in our lives, make a goal of something, read or listen to a book, take time to ourselves and appreciate blessings that surround us when we make a habit of looking for them.  And the days where we don't, or can't, we just receive the new mercies each day allots, and try, try again.  Happy New Year <3