It's Saturday morning and I'm feeling alright.
My coffee is in my hand and sips of it
bring remembrance of yesterday's plight.
My womb is now empty, and it's okay,
because my heart is filled with the promise of a new day.
lol. My lame attempt at poetry. I'm all about trying new things b/c even in failing at them, I still have another experience to add to my life. I tried to add another stanza, but it's not working for me ;)
As Thursday night was upon me, I found myself at a strange peace with the D&C that was awaiting me Friday morning. I still struggled with WHY my body was not doing what God had created to, but also had reached a point of submission with it and just expected God to use this situation to benefit His kingdom somehow and someway. My husband worked late trying to get as much done as he could and when he finally got home it was 10pm. I warmed up leftovers for him and brought him the computer to get on and read the news and whatnot. After he finished dinner, he grabbed his plate with one hand and the laptop with the other and walked towards the kitchen sink. I heard a CRASH and turned to see my computer laying on the floor with my husband just looking at it with complete disbelief that he just dropped it.
I held my breath as he picked it up and turned it on. Nothing. He tried again, and again, and again... Nothing. He started turning the computer over, thinking of taking pieces of it off trying to figure it out the problem. I encouraged him multiple times to leave it be and just go hop in the shower. Thanks be to God he finally listened. My hubby is NOT a computer guy and I am pretty sure that had he tried to fix it, we'd be even more screwed, lol. I wasn't upset at all, it was an accident and accidents happen, but I was a little morose that I just lost my ability to maintain contact with the rest of the world.
The next morning I get up at 5am and hop in the shower. I go to use the soap they told me to use to prep for the surgery and it very bluntly states "Do Not Use On *gentle parts*", so I respect the label and choose not to use! I can't help but wonder though why in the world they would tell me to use something that would obviously have a negative/harmful reaction if used. One more way God is testing my ability to have grace?
I get to the hospital at 7am for my prep for my 9am D&C. Everything was done and I was ready to go at 7:50am. My IV hurt like heck in my hand, although I was really trying to just ignore it. At 8:10 am the nurse comes in to let me know that my Dr had a patient go in to labor at another hospital and would be late, but would be there as soon as he could. I just looked to heavens, took a deep breath, and started praying for a quick, perfect, and wonderful delivery for that mother and child. At 10:30 am, they got me in. I was put under, which I am so so so so so so so thankful for. That drug burned like all heck in my IV that already was painful, but well worth it, in my opinion.
I woke up in recovery. I have been very blessed to have a relatively painless recovery with minimal cramping.
I spent all day Saturday at church and was so blessed by the prophetic gift that God gives His children. The teaching, oh my goodness the teaching, was phenomenal. Lord God help me to come into my calling and consecrate myself to You as Your revelation to me of Your intense love becomes more of a reality.
Today is Mother's Day. It's a bit ironic that I had my 4th child's remains taken from my womb the same weekend that I celebrate being a mom, but I was a mom for a very brief time period to baby Elijah and I will never forget that. Happy Mother's Day to all you mom's currently and those desiring to be =)
Here is a picture that my 6 1/2 yr old, almost 5 yr old, and 3 yr old drew to celebrate me...