But God...

As I write this, I'm feeling all the love of my Father, my Lord and Savior, and the indwelling power of the Spirit of God in me. I've got worship music playing, and I'm looking forward to Bible study. My house is in chaos. I've got a list a mile long of failures trying to put me in my place. But God...

Yesterday, I had a BAD day. Like, so bad I may have been tempted to go skydiving without my parachute. But God... He met me in the quiet. He restores my soul. He leads me by still waters where I can be refreshed without fear. Not because there's nothing to fear, but because He's there in the fears.

What I've found in these last two years of mental hell and turmoil that I invited into my space is that God doesn't leave us, even when He should.

He's faithful even when we're unfaithful. Life has a way of returning to us what we put out; we reap what we sow, even if decades have passed. So, for those sowing love and reaping pain, just know that He sees you. For those who know you're not a good person, but are loving with all that you are, He sees you. For those who want to be better than you were yesterday and compare yourself to Him alone, He cherishes that. For those who can't think about improvement because you are too invested in your current life and think you're as improved as you want to be, He's with you. For those who are looking at others' lives and measuring yourselves against them, He understands. For those whom life has given nothing but pain and suffering, He's been there too. For those who can only feel good about yourselves by putting others below you, He loves you.

His love doesn't leave any of us where we are when we choose to make Him our Lord and Savior, because genuine love doesn't stay silent or abandon us. He's here, He's there, He's wherever you are.

A long time ago, I wrote a blog post about Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know..." and actually had the audacity to tell the Lord I didn't want to see that verse again ever. And I didn't for three years, until He reminded me that I had said that. I apologized to Him for saying it in my ignorance and emotional pain. I saw the verse three times that same day!

Little did I know that I was going to enter a season of so much pain that I would literally despair of life, and He was going to speak to me through that verse. His Word is life. We can't even get away from it, no matter how far we run.

I'm still not restored to where I was, but I am realizing that He doesn't want me back there anyway. He wants me more rooted and grounded in Him, because if something can come into my life and get me to leave the safety He provides, it's best to know it. I know that I will see the goodness of God in the land of the living, and I do every single day.

I see His goodness in the affection of a neighbor. I see His goodness in the softness of the bright green grass, the blue sky, and the white clouds. I see His goodness in the birds that chirp and fly wherever they want to, even if I wish they waited to sing until I was awake. I see His goodness in the breeze as it carries the fragrance of the lilac bush. I see His goodness in the sunshine that warms my skin and gives me Vitamin D for stronger bones. I see His goodness in the restoration of things lost. I see His goodness in the songs He places on my heart when I wake up. I see His goodness in the grace and mercy His children extend. His goodness is EVERYWHERE.

In the same breath, there's pain, dysfunction, and evil everywhere. I get the responsibility and privilege to take my thoughts captive unto the obedience of Christ to the level that I have understanding, so that I can choose to focus on beauty rather than the ugliness that is just as prevalent.  I need Jesus just as much on my good days as my bad.  I am so grateful for His word that corrects me, encourages me, and leads me in the way in which I should go.  

May all of us have that testimony in our lives that says, "But God...".