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Sunday, May 1, 2011

To conceive or not to conceive? That is no longer the question.

I was actually 98% sure on tying my tubes, posted it on this blog that I was considering it, then a girlfriend e-mailed me. She spoke hesitantly, but shared her heart for me towards really bring this before the Lord and seeing what He said about it.

I kind of blew it off, but prayed nonetheless and said something to the effect of 'God, I've been seeking Your will for my life and more children for 3 yrs now and have heard nothing. Do You have a desire for me to have more or to stop and have more time to pursue You?'

I went to church that night, and the Pastor spoke and said that He felt God was putting something on his heart and shared it. It was completely for me and exactly what I was praying about as he spoke. Then he followed it with "And God loves the little children". I thanked God for the sign, but asked for another one just b/c that's not abnormal for a pastor to say that.

The next morning I click on a girlfirend's blog, "I get the point" 4/28/11, and she repeats "And God. He loves children too". I told God that I thanked him for another confirmation, but that I needed another one b/c it's not too unlikely that Paige would write something about God loving children, lol.

So that afternoon I get on fb, and the post at the top of the news feed is the bible verse Psalm 127:3 which speaks of how children are a gift from the Lord, with a picture of a mom and her baby.

So all in all, it's all based on whether I believe that God is speaking to me and I've been looking for confirmation either way. Thus far, I've gotten all positive. So even though I'm scared that I might be making the wrong decision, I trust that I am hearing from the Lord and that He will be here to strengthen me and show us how to financially make it work.

And that is how this decision has been made.

I get a sonogram tomorrow afternoon to see if there is anything of Elijah's body left in me, and will know where to go from there.

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