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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Was it a dream?

Steve had come home yesterday with flowers, Stargazer Lillies to be exact.  I'm not sure if it was meant to be a condolence for our loss or an early birthday present or both, but I'm so glad he did.  I love the way the whole house smells of them!

I thank God that we had plans last night to take the boy's to see Madagascar Live.  It was a Godsend because staying at home wasn't going to be what my husband or I needed.  It was a great time and watching the boy's facial expressions, their anticipation for what would happen next, sitting on the very edge of their seats was the memories of the day that Steve and I needed.

I woke up this morning feeling thankful and grateful for all that I have.  I briefly thought that yesterday's nightmare had been just that a nightmare, until I walked into the kitchen to be met by the smell of fragrant flowers that brought the truth of yesterday back into my heart.  It's wild how some dreams are so realistic and some realities are so surreal.  I am not struggling with the "Why" so much as the "When".  When is my body going to realize their is not a baby in there?  When is my body going to release this outer shell of my baby?  When, when, when?

I believe that God will use all things to benefit His kingdom and I have a theory on miscarried babies that I will share on another post.  For my time is up today as life still calls with it's obligations.

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