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Sunday, September 24, 2017

Blooming Where You Are Planted? A follow-up from the last blog entry...

I belong to the most amazing church ever.  The pastor is one of the most fatherly shepherds I've ever met, with a true heart of compassion for his flock.  I came to my church 7 yrs ago, to a Saturday evening service and was welcomed as one of their own by the discipleship pastor and his wife.  My family and I attended church elsewhere on Sunday's, but I became a regular at the small church's Saturday night service!  The truth, the love, the fellowship, the worship, the presence of God, all of it, just kept me returning week after week.  After a year I had convinced my family we needed to be at this church, and all of us left to come to this one.

Fast forward 6 yrs (and lots of background later)

Imagine my horror when I felt the Lord asking me to leave this church and go back to our old one.  I can assure you I had a million reasons why that wasn't a good idea, and fought it.  Surely that was NOT the Lord!  Right?!?

I'd love to be able to tell you first and foremost that it wasn't, but that'd be a lie.  Coming in a very close second, I'd like to tell you that I fully supported and trusted the Lord in this leading, ready for my new season in life.  Yeah, that'd be false too.  I tried going to both churches for quite a while, but that didn't really work either.  Plus, it impacted our family time at home which is minimal at best anyways.  I submitted to the Lord's leading, and started attending the one I felt Him call me to.

One day I actually sent my husband and kids into church ahead of me, telling them I'd be right there, and sat in my car and cried to the Lord.  I told him if that's where He wanted me to be, then He needed to help change my heart b/c I disliked most everything about this new/old church.  I think we had been going there about 6 mo at that time. 

Every single week I would be heartsick that I didn't get to go to MY church.  The Lord continued to find ways to bless me at this new/old church even though my heart certainly wasn't right before Him on it.

It took about 3 mo of me doing what I knew to do biblically to partner with God, and affirm my trust in His will for my life, for me to not be ugly in heart about this change.  In order to make a really long and complicated story really short, He told me I needed to do what was best for my family, not what was best for me.  That's actually been a thing He's been working in my heart for awhile now, who would've thunk, lol.

Finally, last week, I wrote an e-mail to my Pastor at my amazing church and told him that I didn't think I'd be back, and how very much I appreciated all that he's done, and how very painful it was for me to say goodbye.  I cried as I wrote it, and find myself crying now as I type this.  I hate letting go of good things.  It makes no sense!

Let me tell you something else that logic doesn't necessarily agree with.  It is possible to bloom where you're planted if you trust the Potter.  After I sent that e-mail and let go of what I wanted for my worship, teaching, and corporate anointing that just left you feeling like you could do anything that God would ask of you, I encountered the most miraculous thing in my heart.

I actually didn't despise going last Sunday.  I enjoyed the worship (even though I still prefer the other, lol).  I heard more truth in the sermon, instead of just light preaching.  I was in a good mood instead of carrying a deep sadness for what I knew I was missing.

I asked the Lord what that was all about, and how in so many other areas I still was walking around with my heart issues, yet this one was completely healed, WHY?  HOW?  WHEN?  I seriously could feel Him laugh at my inquiry as He put on my heart that I couldn't receive where I was at, until I let go of what was no longer mine to hold.  Once I released my will, I could then take His.  The burden of mine on top of His was great, but once I laid mine down, His yoke was easy.

I do hope that I get to go back to that small amazing church who helped shape me and my walk, and showed me what LOVE looks like from those that were equipped to do so well, but if I don't, it'll be okay.  The Lord continues to light my way. 

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