I found myself praying last week quite the humbling prayer, of which I didn't even plan on praying, it kind of just spoke itself through my mouth. I don't know if or how that's possible, but that sure is what it seemed like to me.
I've always referred to myself as a "toddler in Christ", meaning that my spirit is saved by blood of Jesus but my life, actions, thoughts, and heart motives aren't yet in alignment with where my spirit is. Funny enough, here is the blog I wrote on that (Toddler In Christ, June 2011). Guess He wasn't saying that's where I was, but rather where I was heading towards!
I've been keenly aware of maturing in Christ and making decisions that do put my life in alignment with His word, as He directs me, and increasing it that. Last week as I was talking to Him, I had a picture in my head of my current state of maturity in Him and I was NOT a toddler I was a 10 mo old baby. As I saw this short movie clip playing out in my head, I was praying to the Lord what was going on in it. I saw these hands coming down and holding me up as I was learning to walk, and encouraging me, and just loving me and enjoying seeing me as I was trying to learn something new. Then I saw me giving up and crawling over to an electrical outlet to play with that instead. So I was praying that I needed the Lord's constant encouragement and affirmation, that I needed Him to continually lift me up as I was learning how to walk in Him or else I was certain that I would go and instead busy myself with something that would lead to my spiritual death.
I'm not sure how much sense that makes to anyone reading it, but it was an eye opener to me. I was considering myself to be more than what I actually was. It was very humbling, but also encouraging. If that's the picture I was seeing, than my Father is telling me that is what I am needing from Him and to ask and expect to receive it. The Lord never shows us things that He's not ready to deal with in our lives and pour out His grace for us to overcome them.
There's been multiple ways that He's been doing exactly what I prayed for Him to do. He's highlighted patience, being still before Him, having faith and increasing in it, choosing others over myself, and listening immediately to what He says.
This Sunday at church I was listening to someone pray over the Pastor before He gave His sermon. He was almost done and I had the unction that I should lean over and put something in the bible I saw in front of me. I hesitated because that just seemed really strange and I didn't want to, and I told the Lord that I couldn't because the prayer was almost over. I felt such conviction that I wasn't listening to Him and I apologized and told Him to make a way for be to be obedient and I would. Well, wouldn't you know it, the person finished their prayer and gave the microphone to someone else to pray, so I did choose to listen. Strangely enough, I opened their bible to the beginning of 2 Peter when I slipped in their surprise, so I wrote that down b/c I wasn't sure whether that was for me or for them, or both. I felt perfect peace afterwards which is a wonderful indication that I was following in the way in which I should. My ears were now especially open to anything that would come from 2 Peter and I thanked Him for allowing me the opportunity to partner with Him, and repented for not listening immediately.
Now b/c I've asked Him to constantly affirm things to me, He did. This is the part that wows me. The Pastor began to teach on various scriptures and lo and behold 2 Peter 1:21 came up.
2 Peter 1:21 21 For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.
This verse spoke volumes to me. It's hard to put it all into words as the last 3 yrs have a lot to do with it, but I will do my best. For anyone who wants a better understanding of what prophecy is, check out http://www.christcenteredmall.com/teachings/gifts/prophecy.htm
Now what I had done in listening to the Lord's promptings was not a prophetic act, but the same discernment in listening was still required. I heard the Lord's still and quiet voice and acted, and this verse brought that to the forefront for me. I have been practicing hearing from the Lord for others and speaking His heart to them (aka prophecy) for the last 3 yrs. I find it's much easier to hear for someone else than it is yourself, and the less you know them, the easier it is! However, this Sunday morning, I heard for myself, and did what He asked, and He affirmed me in that both in providing an extended opportunity to be obedient and in the Pastor talking about the above verse. After church I went up for prayer and once again the Lord highlight one specific verse for me that I just keep struggling to come into, and then another one which is on the same exact thing. This also blesses me immensely because He is keeping His finger on this one issue which is causing me distance from Him and He wants to walk me through it. Nevermind that I'm on my 3rd year of hearing this one scripture! I'm choosing to believe that this incredibly slow victory I'm obtaining in this one area just means this victory can never be taken from me because I will be well established in it, lol.
It's so difficult to write about things that affect the spirit b/c spiritual things can not be understood in the flesh, but I wanted so badly to try and give Him the glory for what He's doing in my life. If you have made it this far in my bumbling testimony, PRAISE THE LORD! I pray that you were in some way touched and your flame for God is burning even brighter as is my prayer for myself and the rest of His body.
Here is the most amazing 11 min video on the gospel I have ever watched: