Before I ruffle any feathers, let me start out by saying this is about me, so you can let your guard down.
From the moment that we accept Jesus Christ, not only as our Savior, but also as the Lord of our lives, our internal transformation begins. He exposes behaviors, thought processes,and heart motives as He starts the demolition of the strongholds and footholds of Satan, and the rebuilding of a house that will stand on the rock and not be shaken. The beauty of it is even when we're babes in Christ, He takes great pleasure in watching us mature and grow. It is that knowledge that brings me comfort as I make my way into the center of His will for my life. He searches and tests our hearts, shining His light on the filth that has been hidden, giving us the opportunity to let Him change it with our cooperation. It is then where we can grow in maturity, or stay stagnant in our growth, thus starting to die. Spiritual slumber is the most insidious of Satan's tactics, and the most widely pervasive. It is our responsibility to keep our spirits alive by seeking His truth, love, and heart. Okay, back to the point...
Just recently God has used a few incidents to get my attention. Unfortunately the incidents involved facebook, which my husband personally feels in from the devil himself, not exactly endearing Him to my love of it, lol . The first incident was simply a misunderstanding of a joke and was quickly worked out, but God had shown me that b/c of my beliefs in Him, people who do not know Him like I do, could very easily misconstrue what I say. I realized that just b/c people are friends or wonderful acquaintances of mine, doesn't mean they know me or my heart for them, and I needed to be cognizant of that. He also showed me some other things involving this friendship, and I put those things into practice thinking that I got it. Lesson learned? Um, no.
I then offended someone else whom I love, and this time, it was not quickly resolved. I took to the Lord the things that this person had said, and He showed me what was at work in this particular situation. There are so many things He downloaded to me that I just sat with Him and allowed Him to minister to my heart, and give me His. One of the things I came to see is that I didn't allow Him to teach me all that He wanted to in the first lesson. There was more to it, and I had just taken what He had briefly showed me, and didn't search His heart anymore for it b/c I thought I knew the issue. Hindsight is always 20/20.
My heart is to help EVERYONE, regardless whether they are in the body of Christ, or not. The Lord has shown me that in my zeal to do what He's put in my heart to do, that I've gone out on my own, out of His will. He impressed upon me that He will put specific people in my life for me to do what He's called me to do, and that I'm NOT to just offer up the things He's shown me through wisdom, discernment, or just plain common sense to everyone even if it is specific to them. It is His desire that everyone know the truth, but how immature and self-important it was of me to think that He'd work through me to do it.
In some cases, it worked out well. But in others, all I managed to do was to make the soil of their hearts even harder for the Lord to till. I don't need to beat myself up for it, but just receive His grace and mercy, knowing that since my heart was for Him, that He can and will find a way to reverse the damage. We have all fallen short of the glory of God, and will continue to until Jesus comes back for His body/bride. We're going to make mistakes. We're going to apologize for them and hopefully receive forgiveness. We're going to have to forgive others even if they don't seek forgiveness, but that's a whole different blog, lol.
For everyone who's been subject to my well-meaning, but ill-received .02, I apologize from the depths of my heart. I already know that it's going to take me a minute (or years) to really walk with the Spirit of God in all things related to Him, never straying from His will, and I'm okay with it. I seek His will/heart/truth, not mine. I put my pride on the cross, and ask that the Lord continue to show me ways in which I act in self-important (or immature) ways. It is what it is, and I am what I am, but God... That's all that needs to be said.