The heart of a mother for her children never ceases to amaze me. The beauty of the ability to continue to pour out love, even while experiencing a lack of that for themselves. The hurtful knowledge that accompanies knowing that she didn't do everything right and that her children did experience some kind of emotional harm however unintentional. The willingness to continue to try and do her best to instill the values she finds to be valuable even when the natural circumstances say that it's not working. The natural tendency to want to be willing to do whatever it takes to protect her child, even if it means laying down her own life, and especially when it means laying her own needs/wants/desires down. The sweet knowing that her role never changes, regardless how old her children become, the role evolves to meet all the new requirements while not letting go of any of the other responsibilities. The heartache that ensues when it's necessary to watch her children walk through a place of darkness, praying God's will into their lives, but knowing that she can't rescue them from it, but needs to be there to walk through it with them. The immense joy that overtakes her heart when her child does any of the "First ________:" that come, or when a prayers are answered or any other number of things that are children do that flood our hearts with joy, and the continual sowing, reaping, and harvesting that accompanies being a mother who's invested her whole being in her servitude to raise her children as God has purposed.
This morning, I had a brief yet sweet glimpse into the heart of a mother for her children. The most astounding blessing was that I also saw her heart towards my child and myself. I am absolutely certain that her stomach was twisting, possibly with anxiety gripping her chest, as she picked up the telephone to call me. As I picked up the phone, and heard her soft voice imploring me in only tone to be compassionate and understanding with what she wanted to tell me, I braced myself for crushing news and listened. What she ended up telling me was an account of how my son was exposed to a word that he shouldn't have been, and how incredibly sorry she was, and how could she make it up to our family. I was so grateful to her for loving the innocence of my child so much that she would call me to tell me that another child said something that wasn't appropriate for the child saying it, or mine to hear, but in that same heartfelt moment of gratitude I also was overcome with relief that this was the problem she needed to discuss, lol. I regretfully informed her that this was not his first exposure to curse words, although I personally took great care not to use them, we've had other 'friends' who've played that we've heard them and had to speak with our child about it. She thought it necessary that I know what happened b/c she wants her house to be a place of safety for the children to play, and that for that moment of time the word was uttered, it wasn't. She proceeded to explain that her son would be writing a note of apology to me and that she was thankful that I was allowing her to use this incident as a teaching lesson for her precious son. I, again, told her that it was not a big deal, and how much appreciated her heart for my child and me that she'd put herself in the position to tell me all of this, not knowing me well enough to even know how I'd respond. Her heart for her child, and mine, has touched what is a very emotional place for me, and I'm blessed that she is so invested in her children that she found that necessary to share with me.
I've found a tremendous amount of forgiveness from my children for the areas in which I've failed them as a mother. I've asked them to continue to pour out grace to me as I do the best I know how to. My heart is for them, and they know it, even when it doesn't seem like it. They are well aware that God is working in all of us to bring about a greater purpose to our lives than just succeeding at what we call life. I don't think that I'll ever understand completely God's love for us broken, self-righteous, selfish, and obstinate people, but I *know* it's stronger than that of a mother to her child and that is something that inspires nothing but awe in me.